Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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