i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
