I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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