I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
