It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
