Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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