How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
