It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
