Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
