Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
