I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
