I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
