Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We left an ass print on the piano.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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