well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
