i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
