Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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