Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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