Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
