Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
