he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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