I didn't shave. On purpose
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
