That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
