I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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