She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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