You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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