No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
