Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
