if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
