I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
