Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We had sex on a dog bed..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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