I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
