Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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