I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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