I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
