I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
