bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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