Plan B is the new Plan A
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
