ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
