He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
