Don't you send me to vm
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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