I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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