At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
