yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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