I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
