I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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