and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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