wat bout pragnant strippers??
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
