I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
