I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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