I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
