I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
