The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
